Member of the Menagerie, by Giblet and Skeleton

OK, it's a lazy Wednesday Afternoon. Nothing whatsoever to do with Lovecraft, but what the hey. A "Gilbert and Sullivan" parody. Have fun.

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Member of the Menagerie, by Giblet and Skeleton

When I was a lad I sought a witch
Just a boy – just to scratch an itch.
I peered in windows and I crept the ground,
And I skulked in places without even a sound.
Then! I found a hag, who laughed gleefulle-e-e
Now she’s made me a captive in her menagerie!

As her boy toy - she whipped me with marks
And she tied me up to a post for a lark.
But I found her book, that horrible grimoire
(Was careful not to cause an uproar.)
Then I copied all the letters in a big round hand
And traced out the symbols in the sand
It was hard to do, the way she misused me-e-e
When I became a member of her damned menagerie,

I had to cook the frogs and newts for the b*tch
And I wore chained collars and a worn-out suit
Made me pass out examinations at her Institute -
She made me give tests to the other damned witches.
Oh, they misused me, did awful unspeakable things to m-e-e
But one day I became the ruler of that menagerie!

I got her knowledge, power, and more, you see
Yes, they took me into that wicked partnership.
And then I cast them all out on a nasty little trip
I got me hold of H. G. Well’s time machine ship
And kicked their gnarly asses through a quantum slip
Then I took control from the nasty banshee-e-es
And become the ruler of the damned menagerie!

Mmm, I got the power, I grew so rich
I took possession from that wicked old witch
And one day I’ll stand proud before the Covenant.
Before the demons that the devil will send,
And take a vote at the eldritch roll call,
But you know I never thought of thinking of myself at all.
I’ll only do it to help out humanit-y-y
When I take control of the dark force menagerie.

Now humans and pagans where e’er you be
If you want to rise to the top of the tree
Don’t fret about fetters - or foeter either -
And don’t worry about your wretched old soul
When it’s lashed onto a whipping stool
Just remember the famous golden rule of ghouls
Stick close to your grimoire and strive to be-e-e,
The leader of the pack, the ruler of your menagerie.

(c 2007, Chris Perridas)